Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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