Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
