I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
