Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
