nut hugger
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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