I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
