Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
