but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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