there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
