You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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