U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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