I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
