We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
