I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
