I think my fart just growled at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sext me about skeletons
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
