thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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