Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
