I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize