I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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