for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
