Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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