Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize