Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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