once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
worst night to have a conscience
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
