The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize