I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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