he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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