GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
