Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Can I color on your dick again?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
