i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
