sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
