I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
