Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
