I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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