I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
