New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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