I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
