my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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