I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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