if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
