Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't put those talents on a resume
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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