i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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