Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize