You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
