I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
