Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We don't watch enough power rangers
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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