he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
