I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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