I didn't shave. On purpose
another moral hangover. fuck.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
