What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
