Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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