If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it because I queefed?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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