Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
