remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
